Riddick

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I love campy sci-fi as much as the next guy. I mean, Dredd was one of the best action movies in recent years. But even I had some trouble swallowing the often too silly Riddick series. Often I felt bored or just frustrated with the stories which were so ridiculous and over the top. But I absolutely can see why people loved at least Pitch Black. More importantly, I don't even completely recognize what makes one campy sci-fi movie a success for me yet. I have a general idea. It's forming.

But what the first two movies have in ridiculousness, this movie has in blandness. Seriously, it is just so plain. It's so derivative that it loses all sense of being a movie about Riddick. And the story is so small, so contained, it makes the previous Chronicle's of Riddick look larger than The Odyssey. It's literally just about Riddick trying to get off planet by tricking some bounty hunters. I guess that would work, even in the same series, but not immediately after such a huge movie like Chronicle's. It feels so trite and so fleeting, almost like a TV special to make fans happy but to do not much else for the rest of us.

That being said, Riddick looks fine. I guess on that 38 million dollar budget I'd have to admit it looks pretty great. But at the same time, I hate the color scheme, this weird yellow tint over pretty much the entirety of the film. It was like watching Man of Steel with its awful grey filter. But at least this had a freakin purpose. The animals are fine looking from a technical standpoint, but they didn't exactly make sense to me physiologically, and they were so jarring in appearance that it wasn't like Avatar or Star Wars where I could just buy it. Those dog things were strange, maybe solely because they were mammalian on this desolate planet. But I'm nitpicking.

The characters in this were so uninteresting and boring, so forced and questionable, that I really didn't care for their safety. Which I suppose works to the films credit, I didn't feel upset at watching their heads get sliced off. But the lack of care for the characters did backfire a bit. I didn't have fun with their deaths either. They'd come and go, and that would be pretty much it. Maybe one or two would gross me out. But none were shocking, none left me laughing or even feeling excited. Instead, it came, it went, it happened. That frustrated me. These movies are great at having awesome death scenes. Maybe I'm spoiled from The Raid, Kick-Ass, and Dredd.

But to the films credit, it did have a fair amount of suspense. There were points that had me feeling a bit apprehensive and wondering what would happen to the characters that was obviously coming. But again, this isn't enough to carry a movie through to the end for me. And thus, I think the rank reflects how much I enjoyed it, even with that suspense.

Rank - 2/5

The Spectacular Now

The Spectacular Now is a movie that I wanted to love. There were two things that I did love, and their names were Shailene Woodley and Miles Teller. I expected nothing less from Woodley, who I've been rooting for ever since her dynamite performance in The Descendants. Miles Teller has always been someone I never much cared for, who now demonstrates perhaps not acting ability, but a true passion for what he's doing. He plays himself, but he plays a softer, more emotional version of himself.

Outside of that, the movie is cute enough. It's got a typical opposites-attract couple (perhaps a bit too painfully reminiscent of A Walk To Remember for my taste), typical high school characters, and a generic enough script with enough lovey-dovey lines to keep girlfriends happy, but not so many that the guys get sick of rolling their eyes. It never soars, though. Any emotion I felt was solely from Woodley making me smile. And lets face it, I'm all but in love with the girl. She could make me smile doing pretty much nothing. I had the distinct feeling watching this film that if I replaced the actors with two different ones, it would not nearly have meant as much. So, kudos to you two. But for the rest of the film, there's plenty to be desired.

By this point, if you've read any of my negative reviews, you know one of my biggest pet peeves is when a movie has no reason to be told. Why did I need to know this story? What made it special, different, worth watching? Sadly, I really have no answer for this. It felt like a pretty generic high school coming of age story, even by normal (not hollywood) standards. Granted, it had a twist of the beginnings of alcoholism, but it didn't use that so significantly that I felt too much dramatic tension from it.

Rotten Tomatoes has its consensus state that the film "avoids typical coming-of-age story trappings". I guess I can agree with that to an extent. But that doesn't mean it avoids generic plot devices. We all see what's coming with Sutter's father. We all know that Woodley's character is going to do (without revealing too much) exactly what she's going to do. There's nothing new in this film, and even though the two leads are adorable together (get away from her Teller...), it's just not enough to distract from the blandness. And that's it, really. I feel bad walking away from this movie thinking that it was only fine. But that's all it was. And sadly, that's all it seemed to strive for.

Rank - 2.5/5

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

I didn't read the book. I don't want to read the book. This movie has given me no desire to read the book. This movie is crap.

Let's start with the problem Harry Potter had later on - the title. "The Goblet of Fire," "The Order of the Phoenix," "The Half Blood Prince," "The Deathly Hallows." These titles are cool sounding, but in the end, the Goblet is only in the book for the very beginning, the Order is only a small plot point, you see my point. So why is this called City of Bones? It's simple. There's one scene in a place that is mentioned to be the City of Bones before the rest of the movie takes place elsewhere...

Problem number 2 - absolutely no originality. Why was this written? The story rips off of everything. Twilight, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Tithe, even bits of Eragon turned up in its story. It was so pointlessly, shamelessly written. Cinematically, it ripped off the same. Shots taken directly from Harry Potter really bothered me. If it wasn't ripping off shots, it wasn't doing anything at all. There was nothing interesting going on at any point. The special effects were so bland that there wasn't even joy from watching those. One part of the movie looked like it was shot, and then sped up. The frame rate looked like it jumped forward exponentially, and it looked really weird. Was the movement of characters too slow? You should have known that in time to reshoot!

Everyone in this movie had such a forced appearance. Nothing was natural. Lily Collins starts out looking generic before having her complete stylistic change. Get it? She's changed. The "Shadow Hunters" or whatever they're blandly called in this movie are emo looking brooding assholes. Because demons. The mother of course looks flawless. Because she's mom...? Werewolves are apparently all bikers...? For some reason vampires don't mask their appearance at all... And then there's a gay warlock. Why? Who knows! I'm all for homosexuality becoming a normalcy in film, but this felt more forced than the ending of ParaNorman. Which I loved. But it wasn't half heartedly trying to be both serious and a punchline. It didn't work.

The movie is so obvious, even to an uninitiate like myself. Of course we know where the cup is. Even if I didn't put two and two together about the nature of the spell, I knew very early on where it was. Of course the big "twist" was there. There was one line that completely gave it away. And then....well lets just say the movie becomes needlessly awkward. No drama. Just awkward. No care. Just shut up and move on you dumb teenagers. And of course, we're gonna see "team who-the-hell-cares" and "team obvious outcome" popup. But unlike Edward and Jacob, I think there's very little reason to care. Because this movie isn't doing well. No one knows or cares about this movie. No one is going to be picking fights that Twilight inspired. And because everyone in this movie is just awful. Just, terrible. Not arguably good, or even that attractive. Just AWFUL.

So, as someone who did not read the books, after seeing this awfully derivative story, painfully boring cinematography, piss poor acting, bland special effects, and stupid romance, I can say that I have no reason to remotely care about the book. I hope this doesn't break even. I don't want to see a sequel.

Rank - 0.5/5

You're Next

Between this and The Conjuring, I really hope we're not seeing an incredibly annoying trend. Both of these movies are getting critical praise for being "classically scary", reminiscent of classic horror movies, or, perhaps the dumbest, enough to satisfy horror movie fans. I hate the idea of settling for horror movies.

People think that I hate horror films in general. This isn't the case. I just haven't seen anything to revive my hope in recent years. Sure Mama had me creeped out, but at no point was I genuinely scared. The Conjuring was experienced with plenty of laughter and teasing. The last horror film I truly enjoyed was Cabin in the Woods. But that's if you count it as a horror and not a comedy. And at that rate, I guess if you consider Prometheus horror, add that. But no "pure" horror film has made me feel happy to be scared, or even scared at all, in a heck of a long time.

You're Next succeeds similarly to The Conjuring; It's definitely fun to watch. But unlike The Conjuring, it's obviously trying to be something far more interesting. The obvious character reveals, the forced exposition and character development, incredibly forced character dialogue, all of it comes together in a poor attempt to be something shocking and interesting. And even though the violence is definitely there, with plenty of blood to satisfy the average gore-lover, we've also seen violence that has made my jaw drop farther, and violence that's made me laugh harder than what this film offered.

All that being said, You're Next is fun enough. It has silly gore and even sillier music reminiscent of campy zombie and slasher flicks. The story itself would be fine and would work great for some gorey fun if it just stuck to that. Clearly there was an attempt to make us like certain characters more than others. But I would have had more fun hating everyone for their awful personalities than be force fed reasons to like or dislike them. All of this exposition leads up to an obvious "twist", unsatisfying, and stupid, followed by an incredible final death perhaps. It makes you laugh, but the laughs feel unintentional until the last third or so of the movie.

The audience was what made this fun. It was like watching a campy movie with the perfect group of friends, all yelling at the screen and making the best out of characters that, as my friend put it "have the least amount of worry for their safety (he's) ever seen". Even the characters who are supposed to be written out to be smarter than average make stupid choices. Why, the student who was raised in the harshest of circumstances and is now finishing her masters at one point jumps over a railing knowing full well her leg was just run through with a piece of glass...because...? It's moments like these keeping the film from being anything beyond a laughable passing attempt at horror. And for a movie with such high praise and such an obvious attempt to be something more, I don't think I can get over it.

Rank - 2/5

The World's End

Shaun of the Dead is one of my all time favorite movies. It's hilariously funny, brilliantly shot, superbly acted, even a bit emotional when it needed to be. It was what I loved about this absurd trilogy of movies, lovingly called "The Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy. It showed how a perfectly good comedy could also show some strong emotional ties, maybe even make you feel more than the initial trailers suggested you would.

That all being said and loved, I have to say, I might have a new favorite in the trilogy. The World's End proves itself to be as well crafted and hilarious as any of the trilogy, while also keeping a great balance of character development to keep you interested, but not frustrated at the lack of laughs. It's brilliant. Enough said.

For those uninitiated, the "Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy refers to Hott Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, and now The World's End. Although there is no story or character that unites these films, there are three distinct traits that unify them all. First, the cast and crew has always included Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Bill Nighy, Julia Deakin, Martin Freeman, and Rafe Spall, as well as being directed by Edgar Wright. The second trait is at least one scene of hilarious fence jumping. But the third, and most important trait of the three, is the Cornetto, a packaged ice cream cone similar to the Drumstick we're all familiar with. In each film, there is a different flavor used. In Shaun of the Dead, there is a strawberry cone, the red color representing the blood of the zombies. In Hot Fuzz, a blue cone is used (I'm not sure of the flavor of that), representing the colors of the police. In this film, I don't want to say too much about it, because it's brilliantly placed and perfectly colored. But it's fantastic. Truly.

And that's what makes this movie so brilliant. Every little detail is perfectly hilarious, but not overbearing. Even the names of some of the bars have significance to what goes on inside. When a robot (for lack of a better term, what the hell else are they supposed to be?!) is torn apart, we actually see a bit of how it's structured to work, but not so much that it's in the way or too silly. It just works. Hilariously.

As always, the one liners in each brilliantly structured dialogue leave you laughing harder and harder until a final zinger, which had my sides splitting. British humor is hit or miss for a lot of Amerians, but I'm going to have a hard time thinking of anyone who wouldn't enjoy this movie. Even if for some reason you're not really into the humor of the film (if you don't laugh then you're a robot), there's still plenty to appreciate. How about the AWESOME performance from Pegg, a man who literally has nothing to live for, has even lost all respect for himself, and is so desperate for self validation that his only hope for his pride is a freaking bar crawl. Nick Frost, who struggles to see validation for his own life even with his success, is another fascinating story. The interactions of these characters meeting back for the first time in years is hilariously spot on with some of my experiences. Although after this film, we are absolutely planning some epic bar crawl in the coming weeks...

This is absolutely a must see comedy. It's funny, smart, intriguing, and just all around great. I wouldn't change a thing.

Rank - 5/5

The Butler

As much as it pains me to say it, stories such as this are hackneyed in Hollywood. We see plenty of movies about racial inequality that manage to make us feel nothing. That's how I felt about The Help last year. This year, however, my standard was reset by the absolutely heart-wrenching and brilliantly written and performed 42. So, my standards for this film are very high, especially with the large amount of Oscar buzz surrounding it.

The trailers don't do this movie justice. This is not the story of a black man's importance in the White House. It's not a story about a black man overcoming adversary in a period of social instability. No, the story is far more interesting then that. The story is about a father, working the hardest he can in a field that he loves, fighting his son's lack of appreciation and desire to do far more with his life than his fathers subservient job. That's a fascinating idea, one I haven't experienced in such a way.

But that doesn't mean this film is free of problems. For some reason, this story about a butler working through several presidencies raising his Black Panther son isn't enough for the filmmakers. No, there's adultery, relationship issues, the usual Hollywood problems. And as usual, it wears thing. I'd much rather learn about the relationship between the two. To the films credit, I loved the structure. I really liked learning about Cecil Gains growing up, how becoming a butler started as a way out of the fields and became a passion. I loved watching the son start out questioning his fathers occupation, watching it grow into activism.

A lot of critics criticized the Forrest Gump style story telling, the fictional story (although it is inspired by a true story, it should be noted that the vast majority of this story is fabricated) mixed in with historical events affecting the characters in a similar sentimentality. Like Forrest Gump, the cast was talented and passionate about the project. But unlike Gump, there isn't a character like Forrest, one that is so lovable you can't help but cheer him on. In fact, unlike the true story, Whitaker's character manages to succeed rather quickly. His pay and equality in the work place is hardly addressed, instead opting to tell the story of his relationship with his son. That's all fine, but we have no reason to support Whitaker anymore. We have more of a reason to support his son Louis, despite the film painting his image to be more rebellious rather than mature.

All in all, the movie is definitely an interesting approach to the civil rights movement. There are scenes that work fabulously in demonstrating the struggle. But by the end, it suffered from the one problem too many movies suffer from - why did I need to know this story? I felt a little bit let down, again after seeing 42 earlier this year. But there's plenty to appreciate in this movie. And I'm sure we'll see it at the Oscars this year.

Rank - 3/5

Jobs

Steve Jobs is obviously one of the men this year that fascinates the public. Who was the man who created Apple? What was he like? What's his story? Why was he fired from Apple? The list of questions goes on, and this movie was going to be the first to answer it. But more importantly, American audiences simply aren't interested in an interesting man's story put to film. We want to learn about the man, learn the intricacy's of the story, and see the conflict that makes this story worthy to be a film.

Not even the public is satisfied by this film. That's saying something. Scoring an abysmal 25% and only a 50% audience score, this highly anticipated film managed to take its highly marketable status and barely finish in 7th place this week, losing to Kick-Ass 2 and The Butler. I wouldn't have called either of those. Poor audience score and low box office performance? (Granted it'll be profitable.)

There's only one way to describe Jobs - a misfire. It might be accurate, it might be flawlessly performed. But at the end of the day, this is film making at its worst. I have a sneaking suspicion this was a passion project, written and directed as a film that could not fail. But the film doesn't leave any emotion at all. Its formula is simple - something wrong, then it's fixed. Something wrong, then it's fixed. Something wrong, then it's fixed. It loses any sense of drama. Perhaps his life had a lot of short comings and problems, but maybe the best way to tell this story is to cut some of the stories. We don't need to see everything to see this as a success story. We don't need to know about his potential daughter (at least, not through the character this film creates). We didn't even need to know about his relationship with Bill Gates.

All this comes down to is a lack of an interesting character. And that's not necessarily Ashton Kutcher's fault. Granted, I don't like him very much as an actor, but I have to respect him for doing his very best with this role. Given a much stronger script, he probably would have seen as Oscar nomination for no other reason than the titular role. But the script is sadly very face value. There's no depth to what I'm watching. Sure, we know the ending. But films like Argo, Titanic, Lincoln, Frost/Nixon, they have the ability to make a known ending into a suspenseful, well written story. To take a man like Steve Jobs, a man who turned around a completely failing company into one of the most successful in history, how can you not make a story like that inspiring?

It's apparently simple - shove in as many stories from Jobs' life, keep characters only at surface value, keep the story from being able to explore Jobs' relationships and friendships, force some sentimentality by including his relationship with his potential daughter, and you have a story that tries to make you feel, but fails. You've watched a movie that maybe informed you on his life, but did no more to inspire you for success than a Lifetime original film.

It's sad. We all have hopes for a good Jobs movie...good thing we're getting the Aaron Sorkin script about Steve Jobs in the future. That will be magnificent.

Rank - 1.5/5