Man of Steel

I've gotten flack for this one. But you know what? I'm going to stand by it. This is one of the biggest misfires of a film I've ever seen. I hated every last second of it.

First of all, where's the color? Why does it look like I'm watching this movie through a dark, dusty, smudged lens? Why is it that the red white and yellow of Superman's suit is grey gray and bland? It's SUPERMAN. No one read the comics to read about a brooding human, they were reading it for the fun of a man who could FLY. The joy came from watching a man who was essentially as perfect as a human could possibly become and then some. Where is that joy, that sense of adventure and fun? Where's the wit, the Clark Kent who had a personality? It's all gone. This stupid brooding sense of a man that no one wants to take the time to know is there instead. And we're forced to care about him. Too bad I don't.

Second of all, his powers. HE'S SUPERMAN! I don't need to know how his powers work! He's an alien! It's what his species can do! But no, now we're getting this forced bullshit about where his powers come from!? He's super strong because of years of living and absorbing the energy from our yellow sun? Then how is Zod powerful from being on Earth for five seconds?! He isn't really flying, he's just jumping really high? Then how can he maintain a flight pattern?! And if it took him 5 seconds to figure out how to do it, how come Zod, a well educated military leader, can never do it himself?! If his muscles and powers are just enhanced human abilities from our "yellow sun", where the hell does laser eyes come from?! And if this is all from YEARS of living under our sun, how is it that he loses his power in 5 fricken seconds being blocked away from it? What about night time? Is he not Superman at night?! What about other planets? Is he not Superman on other plants if he's farther from the sun?! God forbid he's on Mars and it's night time - he'll be SUPERBITCH! Also how about this bull about being in Kryptonian atmosphere means he suddenly has nosebleeds and headaches because he ADAPTED TO EARTHS ATMOSPHERE. HOW THE HELL CAN HE FLY IN THE VACCUUM OF SPACE?!?! THERE IS NO ATMOSPHERE!!! And how can Zod just adjust in a heartbeat to Earths atmosphere once his helmet is removed?! So much for years of adaptation - it takes him 5 seconds! Seriously, this is a SUPERMAN MOVIE. You don't need to explain things that don't need explaining - he's SUPERMAN. How can you possibly think explaining his powers is a good idea?!

Moving on from the powers, the PHYSICS in this movie, the horrible sense of human intelligence, it was just insulting. First of all, Costner gives Clark a little thing with the super man S (oh sorry, it's not an S) that's made of an element not found on the periodic table. How does he know that? A professor told him....WHY THE HELL DID THE PROFESSOR NOT KEEP IT?! It's an element that's never been discovered! What scientist would let a civilian take that away when he could take credit for naming it, discovering it, EVERYTHING! Second, the god awful tornado scene. I hate to tell you, filmmakers, but tornado's suck. THERE IS NO WAY Costners character would just stand there while a tornado over took him, he'd fly up into the air! How about the part where Amy Adams is CLEARLY falling away from a BLACK HOLE! What, you think your audience doesn't know how a black hole works?! That's absurdly stupid!! It's a BLACK HOLE. And going off of that point, who on earth would hear "lets put a black hole over a major city with tons of civilians" and think "great idea!" That's worse than the "lets make a channel for the lava to pass through the city" idea from Volcano! As for that stupid gravity device, if you're going to hold yourself to Nolan standards of filmmaking then I'm gonna nitpick - A GRAVITY DEVICE WOULD NOT JUST EFFECT TWO ISOLATED PARTS OF THE PLANET LIKE THAT! And you know what? To every one who says "oh Tom, it's a summer movie, just have fun with it!" NO SCREW YOU! This movie had the balls to hold itself to the standard of the Batman trilogy, I'm going to hold it to that standard! This movie SUCKS for its sense of believability.

Next of all - the acting. Amy Adams, what happened?! You used to be so good! This was disgracefully poor! You overacted, you underacted, you didn't act and then you became inhumanly offputting. I don't understand, I really don't. I don't even have notes! As for Henry Cavill, sure I liked him and he's sure to become the next Hollywood hunk. But dear god, his role had no personality whatsoever! What was the damn point of Superman?! He was boring, forgettable, and from that he was uncomfortably useless! How about the blandness that was Kevin Costner? And what the heck was with that "don't use your powers" thing? Sure, people would fear him. BUT HE SAVED THE LIVES OF CHILDREN. And what was that stupid tornado bit? JUST SAVE THEM! YOU'RE A SUPERHERO!

And finally, the biggest point of hatred for me - how is this leading to a Justice League movie?! We just saw Superman save the world from near complete destruction, all relatively easily from the eyes of a super hero movie. Under what circumstances will he need help?! And aside from Green Lantern, if this whole thing is on a galactic scale, how the hell would flash or Batman be any help?!?!? This movie was supposed to convince me that Justice League is a good idea. And it did the exact opposite.

I can go on and on and on and on. I've had people try and give me bullshit excuses about the movie. I'm definitely one of the minority on hating this movie. But I can't forgive it. I can't let this movie get away with pure laziness. The rank reflects it. This movie was a disgrace.

Rank - 0.5/5