Pompeii

Pompeii is an example of one of those movies where the ending is known from the very beginning. We know the volcano is gonna blow. Hell, it's in the freakin poster. A lot of people were ready to write this movie off for that very reason. But that's not a killer for me. I mean, we all knew the Titanic was going to sink right? And don't get me started on 127 Hours.

No, my reason for hatred for this was Paul W. S. Anderson. Oh Mr. Anderson. If only you didn't suck. Who is this man? Why, he's he man responsible for such cinematic beauties as Mortal Combat, Resident Evil, Alien Vs. Predator, Death Race, and The Three Musketeers. With a lineup like that, who could honestly expect a single thing from this incredibly shoddy director?

Well, the fact is, this is probably his best movie. It's not good. It's not even meh. But it's his best. Obviously the volcano is a pretty impressive effect. I just love how it it only drops flaming rocks exactly where they need to be. Obviously when a character needs a quiet moment alone, there's no rocks destroying the surrounding structures. But when a character decides to run, well there's the explosions and fire balls, enough to give Michael Bay a run for his money. I also love how the movie implies that they're actually given significant warning that something is about to happen, and yet "blah blah blah drama and love and laws and Caesar I guess".

The movie has a story that centers around the romance of a slave and a princess, the potential rebuilding of Pompeii and the political hoops that have to be jumped through to get the funding to do so, as well as the relationship between the slave and his slave buddy. And here is the biggest problem, one that everyone seems to make with this type of film. The tragedy hardly ever works if it's solely based character conflict. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. Why does Titanic work? I argue that it's not just because of DiCaprio and Winslet's chemistry and love story. No, it's also because of a buildup of the society. We see the society functioning on the ship, its details and its believability. You feel like you're a part of the society you're watching, and that makes it tragic. Watching a boat played up as beautiful and impressive as the Titanic was tragic. But we don't feel any connection to the city of Pompeii. We hardly know any citizens, we don't see much social hierarchy, we don't see anything to imply the feats of the cities build and size. We're forced to feel sad for these characters we don't know, knowing full well they're going to die. 127 Hours used similar tactics, letting us know not just the character, but his situation and loss of hope, just from shots of the distance from him to a bottle of gatorade in his car. Meaningful moments like this are gone. Instead, we're expected to sort of forget that the volcano is going off, and to cheer for the characters who we know will probably perish.

Does Pompeii work? Maybe as a demonstration of special effects and even as a bit of a popcorn flick. But I think most people seeing this are going to end up bored from a completely phoned in script and poor acting. It didn't do anything for me.

Rank - 1.5/5