Grudge Match

Okay. Suit up. Because I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. This movie sucks.

First of all, the characters. There are two types of boxing movies. Either you have the underdog story, or you have two flawed characters and let your audience cheer for one or the other. So what am I looking at here? Well, either I have closeted and annoying Stallone, who has no likable trait whatsoever except perhaps the pity factor which simply is NOT enough to carry a boxing hero, or I have Stallone, a cocky unlovable jerk with no sense of being human whatsoever. We're talking about a man who ditches his grandson to have sex with a woman a third his age in the back seat of his car. I'm sorry...who should I cheer for? Oh I get it, the film is actually supposed to be about the son, right?...except that the son is just as unlikable. I mean, who leaves their kid with the father that left him for the cliche reasoning.

Second of all, what is this movie? Is it a boxing movie? Weird..because there's virtually no boxing. Except for the virtual boxing, and then NOTHING till the end. Is it supposed to be a buddy flick? Because they're not buddies. They're rivals. And the movie emphasizes that every chance it gets. Is it a redemption story? Because when finally given redemption opportunities, both of them choose the immature route and become more unlikable. Is it supposed to be an emotional rebirth of two broken men? BECAUSE IT'S ADVERTISED AS A FREAKIN' BOXING MOVIE.

What is Kevin Hart doing here? Was the paycheck really worth it? I'm pretty sure he was in the film for maybe 10 minutes tops? He pops up for the occasional plot point, then disappears. He has maybe one joke that made the audience laugh. That's it. Every other line is a truth. He stands in Stallone's kitchen and declares, "it's not worth it, man I am looking at your house!!" That's not funny...that's just true. He DOES need the money to renovate his house. Other than that, we see the forced "quirky" funny from his reactions on and off the telephone. But Kevin Hart isn't quirky. He's funny when he's loud. And this didn't give him nearly enough opportunity to be loud. It's just him being a complete waste of the space he uses.

And lastly, the biggest problem I had, the hilariously obvious problem that I had since the first moment this film was advertised...how the HELL is Sylvester Stallone vs Robert DeNiro remotely a fight?!?! That's not a fight. That's like the SUPER BOWL we just watched. Yeah, maybe DeNiro can land one punch. But this is a slaughter. This film had no believability in a script desperately trying to demonstrate reality. Merry freakin Christmas.

Rank - 0.5/5