All hail the mighty Hasbro and you're satanic Simon. We are but your humble servants. Bestow unto us your bidding, so we may be you're humble servants.
Seriously. Simon. That's what you're gonna use as our makeshift ouija? Talk about bottom of the barrel.
Paranormal Activity is a significant, if not necessarily terrifying, entry to the horror genre. It had its jumps and its moments, even though for me it did nothing. The franchise has gone farther and farther downhill with each passing sequel. Now we've broken into the horrible branch of spinoffs. There's only one place for this all to go...down.
This movie lacks a lot. First of all it lacks believable characters. Who the hell are these people? Why do I have to care about them? Who are they to me? Why is he recording everything with a video camera? Sure, it's a question asked about everything. But Dane DeHaan's performance in Chronicle showed us that even something as simple as a perceived necessity to be on camera can work as a motivation. Why are they doing it here? How long does it really take to test a graduation present?
The next thing it lacks - scares. Why are we solely resorting to jump scares? Instead of delving into the generic sub culture of inner-city latino communities, why not delve farther into their superstitions, their fears and beliefs, what they see this obvious demon as? What does the elder believe is the best solution? Where is the potential explanation? All that remains is a generic possession story. That doesn't do anything for me to believe that we should see a budding new franchise spin-off.
But most of all, the biggest thing that bugged me were these stupid plot points. Like that stupid freakin Simon. I'm not joking. In the movie, they ask the hasbro game questions, resulting in a green light up for "yes" or a red light for "no". They spend a large chunk of time asking it questions. But every time it responds, they're shocked. Really? You watch it for HOURS as it lights up, and every time it shocks you? Then there was that stupid door. I don't wanna give away the ending, but suffice it to say it's pretty unintentionally hilarious. The ending in particular for me ranks up there with The Devil Inside. It's awful. Just awful.
I always feel hopeless towards the horror genre. I constantly keep my fingers crossed, hoping that soon we'll see another horror movie that scares me the way Alien or The Exorcist did, or at least with the brilliance of Cabin in the Woods' scares with humor. I hoped maybe the Paranormal Activity franchise could be a push for that. But sadly, it looks like its doomed to boredom.
Rank - 1/5
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