The Legend of Hercules

Did you know this was even gonna be a movie?! I hadn't even heard of it! I just saw it on my theaters listings and figured, well, I gotta see movies anyhow. So lets see this probable travesty.

Oh hey. It's awful. Who woulda guessed.

This movie tells the story of average-strengthed man who happens to be the son of a god and a queen. Wait, what? Isn't Hercules supposed to be above-average strength? Why isn't he? Is he actually only average strength? Then where's the story?! What's the point of even telling this?! Oh wait, he does have strength when the plot conveniently gives it to him. Yeah. That's believable.

Well at least a movie as big of a story as Hercules will have an amazing display of AWESOME CGI right?! No. Not at all. Try some of the worst special effects I've ever seen. That's not an exaggeration. If it's not CGI, it's shaky cam and badly cut. If it's a huge action scene, get ready for hilarious unbelievability. If it's CGI, get ready to look at a bad interns 3 minutes of fame. If it's a fight scene, get ready for hilarious choreography or sequences that make Hercules look kind of badass while also looking hilariously unbelievable. It doesn't work. Nothing works. Literally nothing works.

In fact this movie is so bad, I'm going to go ahead and ruin the ending for you. Know how Hercules gets his armies into the city? By swinging around a lightning charged sword. I'm not joking. It's like a hilarious lightning whip. It looks like a 5 year old took a blue crayon and drew it on over the film. Most hilariously, HOW IS THIS HERCULES?! Where's the super strength? If there's a time to conveniently give it to him, pretty sure this would be it!

Oh, then there's a character that dies. Does she really die? Nope. She doesn't. Even though she's in the arms of another character, bleeding out, two seconds later, we see her alive. Completely fine. Are you joking? Seriously? THIS is the best you can do?

This is horrendous. This is everything about bad movies I hate. It's overacted, poorly shot, badly edited, has horrendous special effects, no sense of believability or charm. It's boring, it's stupid, it's...well, it's The Legend of Hercules.

Rank - 0.5/5