The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

When I see that Steve Carell and Steve Buscemi are going to play Vegas magicians competing against a new-age magician played by Jim Carrey, I can't help but get excited. I mean, what really could go wrong? It's Jim Carrey getting back to the physical comedy we all loved him for, and a great team up of clashing actor personalities that could only result in hilarity, right?

Wrong. What we got instead was a slew of unbelievably unlikable characters. Seriously, there isn't a single character to like. Steve Carell's character is written to be a jerk. Jim Carrey's is written to be condescending. Steve Buscemi is written to be the loyal friend, but he travels to a 3rd world country in the film and looks like a complete moron. I guess if there's one character to like, it's Olivia Wilde, but she's so uncomfortable to begin with that I still can't like her - especially when she has a romance with Carell's asshole character.

This movie is not funny. It's incredibly mean spirited. A dog is crushed and stuffed in the pants of someone. Jim Carey burns words into his arm. These are highlights of the movie. It's lowest common denominator humor, and even then I find it hard to believe that anyone really finds it funny, because it's really not. Its humor isn't humor, it's ridiculous things happening at ridiculous times for dumb reasons. The whole movie is inherently flawed from the idea that anyone would consider Jim Carrey a magician. Sure, I get it. It's parody. But he only does one thing that's really a magic trick in the movie. The rest, I just don't believe it would really conflict with Carell and Buscemi's magic act. Because no one would call it magic.

Add some awful music, bad puns, and revealing how magic tricks are performed, and you have a movie about magic that lacks any. All in all, forget it. As of now, it's the worst I've seen this year.

Rank - 0.5/5

The Call

The idea of abduction is terrifying. It's all too real of a threat, and very sadly, the vast majority of our worst nightmares can become reality. This movie has a girl knocked out and stuffed in a trunk, and her desperate attempt to get out with the help of a 911 operator. It involves very believable techniques to getting noticed, as well as some actually pretty scary situations and a pretty terrifying perp. The girl is realistically taken, as well. In other words, this movie is really working to exploit the already instilled fears of moviegoers.

As far as performances go, we have some great moments with both our leading ladies. Halle Berry plays a cold, emotionless operator sympathetic toward two 911 calls involving girls being attacked. She's actually quite good at displaying an attempted coldness, without it being too outwardly obvious. Abigail Breslin displays just the right amount of terror to be believably scared, not so much that it's obnoxious or annoying. And you are cheering for her. You definitely want her to succeed in her escape - that's to say, she's not so annoying you just wanna see her knocked off already.

Although it's a bit loud, the movie is definitely tense. Again, techniques in the film are not at all far fetched, at least not at first. It's all rooted in possible actions and results. It leaves you thinking about what you could do in that situation, and the villain reacts believably to everything thrown at him. It works, really well. And then...

The third act. An abomination. Suddenly, all believability is thrown out the window. It became ridiculous, forced, contrived, dumb, and then ended INCREDIBLY mean spirited. It was actually morally questionable. And that's saying something, considering the nature of the villain. I sat in my seat, so appalled by the ending, that I didn't want to believe that it was really over. It was despicably bad. I was ready to give this movie a 3.5, maybe even a 4. But no. The ending was so bad, I think the score I'm giving it represents how bad it actually was.

RANK - 1.5/5

Dead Man Down

There's so little to say about this film. Why? There's just so little to the film in general. There's so little care for anyone, so little purpose to anything going on. I always say that to me, if I can't see why a story is being told, then it really detracts from me enjoying it. And that was exactly this film's problem - what was the point?

I can tell you this - the story completely escaped me. Terrance Howard and a bunch of other guys I don't know or care about are being taunted by a guy I don't know or care about, and there's a romance with a girl I don't know or care about who wants this guy I don't know or care about dead because of a car accident he caused that scarred her face. How do these stories connect? I have absolutely no idea. It felt like this movie was trying to have the softness of Drive (starring Ryan Gosling), but I don't buy that this girl is just a girl he met through circumstance like I did in Drive. I also have a hard time seeing any connection other than an unbelievably forced one.

As for the cast, a lot of people are praising the performances. And I want to, I love Noomi Rapace and I'm fine with the rest of the cast. But motives were just so strange and sometimes unreasonable to believe that I just couldn't understand if the acting was good or bad - how can you tell, when you don't know how the character should be motivated? That, and I dunno, Colin Farrell just isn't an actor I take seriously with a gun in his hands. Jumping off of that, the extras had strange actions in this too. I fervently do not believe that any group of school children would run up to a woman with a scar on her face and throw rocks at her. That simply does not happen.

The main criticism of this movie that I've seen is obnoxious plot twists. Again, I can't speak on this, because i was struggling to understand how they were twisting anything around. But there were certainly too many plot realizations, most of which seemed unnecessary since it was constantly shown who was actually doing what.

All in all, there's not much to say. This movie is convoluted, annoying, and strange. I'd skip it.

RANK - 1/5

Oz: The Great and Powerful

When I think Wizard of Oz, one of the first words to come to my mind is tangible. Oz feels like a living, breathing, existing place. It's a place that I can wish to be, want to go, and yet it's sinister enough to understand that paradise isn't perfect. It's another world, not necessarily a distant one. And most importantly, it's one I don't necessarily have to take that seriously. I can smile at the evil, have fun with the wicked witch. All of this was missing from this particular journey to Oz.

I was so disappointed with what I saw. I wanted a whimsical, fun script with a lot of heart and great symbolism. What I got was lackluster, lazy, and in some places, pretty darn awful. To write a prequel to one of the most highly regarded films of all time with such laziness was incredibly upsetting. I'd compare it to the script from the Sam Raimi Spider-man. But that would do Spider-man a disservice, for at least it had heart and style. You get so sick of the awful speeches about hope and finding oneself, you wanna gag yourself by the end of it.

The original Wizard of Oz was packed with likable characters and spot on performances, ones that you can't look back on and replace. This...wasn't. It's packed with unlikable characters, ones I never want to remember. The Wizard is a con-artist who by the end, learns nothing from his journey. His two friends, a flying monkey and a girl made of glass, are both annoying and horrendously unlikable. You really want them both to disappear rather quickly. Mila Kunis gives probably the worst performance we have ever seen from her, both early and later in the movie. I always liked Michelle Williams, until we saw "Take This Waltz," where it was proven that she could screw up big time. This is another example. What an absolutely obnoxious, dumb-blonde portrayal of what could be an incredibly strong character.

That brings me to another point - the worst part of this movie. The witches. Wow. What horrendously written examples of female characters. Here we have three women all in total control of the entire world they live in. And what drives them to evil? Love. Jealousy. Petty nonsense. This is just proving to the Kings of the Medieval feudal system that they were right - women can't rule. And it's not like it comes across as an accident or mistake of writing - it feels just so terrible, so lackluster. I saw so many elements to lead this movie to greatness that just fell apart. It's a real shame.

Some people will say that the movie at least looked good, but I have to disagree. Somehow, even with all the advanced technology, Oz felt small, not nearly as impressive as the original. And this is with better technology, the ability to make enormous worlds like the one we found in Avatar.

All in all, this is an enormous disappointment, with very little magic or anything powerful enough to make it comparable to the original. Terrible performances, mediocre effects, lackluster  magic and obnoxious music make this to be an all but unbearable experience. I was incredibly disappointed.

RANK: 1/5

21 and Over

I hate this kind of movie. I paid to see a kids crazy antics on his 21st birthday, to maybe laugh and maybe be reminded of some of my own drunken stupidity. I expected to see the same sense of humor as The Hangover. And it was all there. But this forced emotional crap having to do with one of them failing, one of them dropping out, dreams not coming true, I'm sorry but frankly I don't give a damn.

It's pretty straight forward - two friends join up with their buddy from high school to take him out for his 21st birthday. But of course, hijinks ensue, and they need to try to get him home. Their attempts include throwing him out a window, a bull, a crazed male cheerleader, a lot of alcohol with them seemingly never getting drunk, whatever what have you. We've seen things like this before, we know it's not going to work out until the last possible second. So yeah, you're going into this knowing exactly what you're going to get.

In that regard, I guess it's pretty satisfying. It has its cheap punches and forced romance, it's got its completely ridiculous scenarios and dumb resolutions, all under the influence of alcohol. But that's my first problem - they outright said that their buddy drank way more than them in high school. We see them all drink a lot, but at no point are they ever intoxicated. That's a little weird, don't you think?

I guess my problem with these movies is simple - there's so much creativity, but such cheap laughs. I never would have thought of any of the situations in this movie, they were far fetched. It had to take thought. But for those moments to be successful, they have to make me laugh. And honestly, I found myself not laughing at the vast majority of this movie because frankly, it just wasn't that funny. One or two things had me smile, but I'd hardly call this a success on a comedic level. It was a success on an annoying level. I don't care about these guys relationship, frankly I don't care if they stay friends or not. I wanna laugh at them, not care about them.

It also doesn't help that the two main guys are 26 years old in real life, while our friend turning 21 is actually 31. Solid job their, casting director. Nailed it.

RANK: 1.5/5

Jack the Giant Slayer

There's a REALLY strange glut of fantasy movies that are coming out. I don't really understand it. For some reason, America is fascinated with updated or re -envisioned versions of modern myths or classic fairy tales. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Warm Bodies, and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. Who know's what's coming next? Jack and Jill: The Mount Everest Story. Three Blind Mice: Cheese Heist. Humpty Dumpty: Retaliation.

But what is the appeal of all of these movies? It's simple - the fact that there is a twist. Abraham Lincoln, our nations greatest President, fighting vampires, a zombie falling in love with a human, two fairy tale characters becoming sex icons and killing witches. And that is this movie's fatal flaw - there is no twist. Certainly, there is a little bit of style. But this is exactly what I would picture a movie about Jack and the Beanstalk to be. It's got good, not great, special effects, and a nice sense of adventure in scaling the beanstalk, and likable enough characters, but no twist on the classic story.

It's true to say there is a bit more violence than one would anticipate, but this is also the worst part. There's no blood, at all. I get that it was to keep it relatively kid friendly, but to see bodies having fallen presumably miles to the ground and not see a bloody pulp of nothing is unrealistic. And to see bodies bitten in half with no blood to speak of is also quite silly. And moreso, just because there's no blood doesn't make it really that much less scarring to watch a giant eat the top half of someone.

But all of that being said, I did like Jack and the Giant Slayer for two reasons. Reason one is Nicholas Hoult. If there's one thing that Mr. Hoult is proving to me, it is that no matter how bad or simple a movie he signs on to, the scenes with him will at least be very likable. He's charming, funny, vulnerable but brave, and he keeps me invested whenever he is on screen. I can't wait to see where else his career takes him, considering his last two movies were very strange choices in my mind. But I know anything he does, at least from his last two awkward choices, that he will make them somewhat enjoyable.

The second reasons is Ewan McGreggor. At first, trailers suggested that he was going to be quirky in a forced, stupid way. Or that he was going to be a throwaway character. Neither happen - he actually turns into the character I saw myself cheering for the most, and hoping to see become victorious. In fact, I'd say I supported him more than I supported Jack.

All in all, however, this movie lacked style and creativity. Things felt generic, phoned in, and simple. The story is obvious, the music is obvious, the sets and CGI are all pretty by the books and what you'd expect. So it wasn't bad, but there's hints of how much more this movie could have actually been. That's the worst for a movie goer.

RANK: 2/5