The Salt of Life (Gianne e le Donne, Italy, 2011)

3/5

It was funny, but not that funny. It was clever, but not that clever. It was cute, but not that cute. It was fun, but forgettable. It's a fun and also sad story about Gianni, a man desperate to get laid by any young woman he can. Problem is, he is not young himself. It leads to a few funny scenes, but incidentally not many of them involve women. Most of them are on his own, his own style of humor towards himself. Its emotional pull it so desperately wanted to have really didn't leave the screen, it really only stuck inside of his character for us to observe. The music in particular was annoying. It really was balanced too loud, and not just too loud but repetitive. Don't get me wrong, the movie had its moments, and it pretty easily crossed the line to be a decent movie. I just wish it was a good movie.

Safe House

2/5

I'm getting a little tired of these "The best CIA agent we had, until he went rogue/until he betrayed us" movies. I mean, come on. We all know what's going to happen. Some young hot shot agent is going to be put into a situation to track them down, the rogue/traitor agent is going to have some big reveal that the CIA/other government agency isn't doing what they thought was being done, or was doing it in a less than credible way, and then the head honcho of said organization goes nuts, kills a bunch of characters and leaves our young hot shot to choose the side we know he's going to choose. That was the biggest problem with this movie. In these over written movies, there's always fun action, some new set piece or explosion that lets you have a little bit of fun. This didn't have anything fun. You see every stunt coming a billion miles away. And moreso, the stunts aren't that great or anything new. Even worse, they have the overly shaky camera in the car chases and shootouts to hide the effects that aren't that good. Ryan Reynolds is as boring and one dimensional as usual, and frankly I can't take him seriously when he has a gun in his hands. Throw in a useless female character there to serve no purpose except to have maybe a smidge of emotional tension, even though we know nothing about her and care for nothing about anyone. Denzel gives all of his lines without any emotion, without any drive to at all show any urgency in what he's doing, and plays a character that is really so forgettable that I feel like I'm obligated to hate him. This movie had a few fun car chases which saves it from being a complete waste of time, but even so it's not enough to save it from a tired story and tired action sequences. I'd suggest seeing Star Wars for the one bad-ass light saber battle at the end instead if you're looking for some campy action. But if you're looking for some great action, I think MI4 is still in theatres?

Chronicle

5/5

Maybe I'll look on and think of this as being a smidge generous? But definitely not more than half a point. This was unbelievable. A true gem in the superhero genre that's tired and running thin. 3 boys find out that they have telekinetic abilities, presented in found-footage style. This made some of the best utilization of the relatively dried up style of film. Cameras were given more freedom through the brilliance of them floating around the characters. These were some of the best shots of flying characters I've seen in a long time, not for the look but for the style in which they flew. The only thing this film was missing was strong special effects and CGI, but what it lost in effects it made up in a riveting story and some really wonderful acting from the three leading characters. I'm not even joking when I say this might be one of my top 5 favorite superhero movies. Plus, the creativity that was used in the powers was great, especially in its explanation. Teeth being pulled out by feeling a lasso really hit me as wonderful imagery. Andrew was a great character, with just the right amount of pity and fear being pulled out of his speech and actions. I won't say too much, but there's a particularly intense scene involving him and his father. Who would have possibly guessed that this gem of a movie would come out in January? I really hope it can keep up with the vein of superhero movies coming out this year!

Big Miracle

2/5

It wasn't as sappy and stupid as I thought it was going to be, but that didn't save it from being sappy and stupid. It was an incredibly blunt and badly written script, there were some really bad character types written in, and some of the most imbecilic characters I've seen. The environmentalist played by Drew Barrymore seemed to have no intelligence about the whales at all, and an even smaller understanding of the concept of food. I side with the natives - you need food on the table! Yes these are whales, but if that is what a native people eat, then they should have the right to continue eating it unless environmental issues leading to possible endangerment exist. There's no reason there should have been a big deal with these people using the whale meat. And as for the "all they'll see is blood" excuse, we as Americans understand the respect that the Native Americans hold for their prey, why on earth wouldn't the American people grasp that? Add on the money grabbing oil driller, the reporter only fighting for a story, the hardened "soldier" who believes government doesn't understand his duties, etc etc and you have a pretty forgettable movie. Sad on John Krasinsky. I do like him a lot. Some of these scenes were so miniscule in importance as well. Little interactions that are either forgotten or overblown to stupid proportions. And the most annoying part - that stupid kid who opens the film and closes the film, and really does barely anything in between. This really wasn't worth it, but I guess there's a bit of value somewhere in its story.

The Grey

3.5/5

What a surprise! Here I am going to see "Liam Neeson: Wolf Puncher" and I see a very emotionally driven movie. It was a surprise. Granted, its predictable until a point. Its kill off character cliche 1, kill off character cliche 2, etc. It had a lot of flaws to its survival skills that, as a boyscout, I can point out. But it was shockingly sincere. The emotions and stories felt real. Everything felt heartfelt. Liam Neeson gave his all and gave a wonderful performance out of a mediocre story idea, basically every survival film ever written. The music also sounded great. I loved the music so much. It had some beautiful shots of Alaska, some great looking CGI wolves, and some great shots in nighttime exploration. I really liked it a lot more than I thought I would. Check it out! Definitely pick it over Man on a Ledge.

Man on a Ledge

1/5

WOW. WOW. I wanted something so much smarter out of this! What a mess! It was so depressingly petty. The story seemed so stupid! What a completely nonsensical way to prove your innocence! What a pretentious way to have a bank robbery film! What a stupid reason to have some random hot girl take off her clothes. This was a mess. The music was also pretty terrible. It drew out its long, stupid premise even longer. And I really don't understand how a man who commits so many felonies in one day can possibly get off because he proved his innocence for ONE CRIME. This was bad. Don't waste your money. See The Grey.

The Artist

4/5

This would, surprisingly, not make my top 10. I describe this movie as a nice little treat you'd see in a History of Cinema gift shop. It's a great gimmick. A silent movie made in 2011, made with the same acting style and story telling style. But this isn't what I'd want. They describe this as a love letter to American cinema, paying homage to the silent film age. But this doesnt pay homage to silent films to me. Rather, it's copying them. Paying homage would be using certain qualities of silent films, but this is literally almost indistinguishable. It was fun, and charming. But I don't think anyone in it was outright brilliant, I don't think that the story was that magnificent. Truly I just found it to be a fun movie. I'd rather see Midnight in Paris or Hugo win the Oscar even though this is the clear winner. I did like it, I did find a lot to appreciate in it. But at the end of the day, I don't know if I'd call it a masterpiece. Perhaps just a fun break from the standard American films being pushed out in the cinemas now.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

1.5/5

This was bad. Like, bad. I'll say it. The only emotion out of this film comes from the 9/11 point. And it's either pushed forward to the point that it's annoying that its forcing us to feel emotion from an already obvious source, and moreso it felt suppressed to the point that it lost any sense of importance. The fact that this choppy screenplay, static direction, mediocre performed movie was nominated for an Oscar for no other reason than it's 9/11 content. The kid was really great, we've seen a great spout of performances from children this year. But Sandra Bullock seemed to have no idea what she wanted her character to be in the movie. She was a mess, her interactions with the kid seemed so forced and trying to be emotional. I'm pretty sure she didn't actually cry, too. It's bad, and it's a shame because I hear wonderful things about the book.

Underworld: Awakening

0.5/5

In reality, this was pretty much what you'd expect it to be - fighting, bad ass Kate Beckinsale, etc etc. But what it had in fighting werewolves and badass vampires, it completely lost in story. There was none. It was a hodgepodge of pointless fights, bad script writing, shaky direction, etc. And I know vampires only can live in the dark, but our eyes hurt from watching a movie pretty much entirely taking place at night. And our eyes are strained even more by some of the worst 3D I think its safe to say ever used. It's not like The Last Airbender or the Clash of the Titans where the 3D was added on as an afterthought to push ticket prices up. Rather, it was there from the start but so badly layered. Reflections on the windows and computer screens were in the foreground before characters. I swear to god I thought I had manufacture flawed 3D glasses, it was so backwards and nonsensical. It hurt. I had to keep my eyes closed every 5 minutes or so. It's a major flop, and its a real shame too. Any sense of fun is just gone.

Red Tails

1/5

This was upsetting. I love the story of the Tuskegee airmen, but this simply had no conflict. The conflict that initially was established was the lack of "real" missions being handed to the team. But very promptly after the movie starts, they receive a mission. That takes away a lot of the story of these incredible soldiers. The film should have taken a deeper look at the formation of the airmen, something that would really highlight the difficulties and hardships that the men went through regarding lack of faith in their ability, the decision to give them hand me down equipment instead of the state of the art planes being used by the white man, etc. It all seemed so petty, so forgettable, it actually made the soldiers sound whiny rather than determined, and that is a big problem to the credit of the soldiers. It also pulled cheap character punches in regards to its attempts of achieving sympathy - a forced romance, forced "little guy" scenario, etc. It was a disappointment. I'd love to see this script gutted and fixed, added on, and giving the characters something to really ring to our hearts with.

Haywire

0.5/5

I really don't see why people are so impressed with this movie. It's boring, the action is nothing super special, the story's been told a million times, everyone in it is awful including Ewan McGregor who I love, the music was absolutely atrocious, repetitive, and obnoxious. It went nowhere fast, and yet it never took a breath either. For a movie called Haywire, it never went Haywire. It went somewhat neutral. And what was worse, after one of the characters dies, before the camera cuts away, we clearly see his stomach rise. That's right, we see him BREATHE. That's like a bad Uwe Boll moment. How do you get away with that?! This movie has an 80% on RottenTomatoes. I REALLY don't understand why. This movie isn't worth the money or the time.