John Carter

1/5

Okay, before it's questioned, YES I know this is based on a book. NO I never read the book. I'm looking at this solely as a movie. And my god, what a TERRIBLE movie. Maybe it was an important, influential book, one of the primary sci-fi stories of its time. But that doesn't mean the story has aged well. And it hasn't. AT ALL. We know there is no water that isn't frozen on Mars. We know that the atmosphere is red (could have at least given us THAT). Moreso, we definitely know the rules of gravity. It doesn't just turn on or off whenever the movie sees fit. It's not like John Carter can decide when it's an inconvenience and when he can deal with it fine. We also know the proportions of Martian gravity to our own. Look at the moon videos. We're not flying around uncontrollably on the moon, are we? Mars is BIGGER than the moon. That means LESS gravitational freedom. Enough of the science. Onto our complete WUSS of a hero. He can't fight at all! Every other scene is Carter getting his ass kicked, punched in the face, thrown to the ground. Why should I support him!? Clearly he can't hold his own! I'd also like to know how this society could possibly allow a princess, a PRINCESS, to discover technological advances made by the opposing side before SCIENTISTS COULD. In addition, in every parallel society, marriages are arranged to expand territory and kingdoms. So the princess whining about wanting to marry who she wishes is a little bit bitchy, isn't it? If it means saving the people who expect you to save them, DO IT. I can go on and on and on about this movie, but honestly, it can be safely put into 3 words. SAVE. YOUR. MONEY.